Today I had to go to the bank to deposit a commission check and thought I would go on to see my mother since I was already halfway there.
She was in the Garden Room along with about 10 or more other ladies. They had just finished lunch. I said hey, how are you doing today? She answered ok. I’m just ready to go home. I said aren’t you having fun? A little lady right beside me looked up and said “I’m not having fun.” I said you’re not. Why not? She didn’t answer. My mother said I’m not having fun either. She leaned over to this other lady and asked her if she was having fun and that lady just mumbled something like I don’t know what you mean. Well, the nurse then wheeled my mother around the table and I thought to myself, wow what happened to the back of my mother’s hair. I took her back to her room and got her brush and started brushing her hair. I thought back to when I was a little girl and she would brush mine. I was thinking that my mother’s hair is getting thin.
I remember one time when I was little, my hair was always thin and my mother wanted it to look thicker so she gave me a “Tonette” permanent. Oh yes, it was thicker all right, the comb got hung in it and my mother almost didn’t get it out. I hated that permanent and I have had very few of them during my lifetime.
I asked my mother if she’d like to have another shampoo, set, and a haircut and she told me she would. Then she said, I have to go pee. It seems that in all our discussions she needs to go pee an awful lot. I told her I had to go back to work and I’d get someone in to help her.
Are we having fun yet? If you still know what “fun” is, do it now. Tomorrow you may not know what that question means.
DR
1/10/08
Monday, April 27, 2009
Am I Really Going Crazy?
Some days I wonder why my life took such a sudden turn for the worse. It all started last year when the lump on the side of Charles’ neck started growing. No, I take that back, it started when my mother turned 80. It seemed she kept getting worse and worse and finally the ophthalmologist discovered my mother has macular degeneration in her left eye. To be an only child is terrible but from what I hear, even though there are several children in a family, it usually falls on only one child to do all the care giving. How am I going to continue to cope with this situation?
Every time I see my dad he seems to be ready to jump on me about not just one thing but a whole list. He doesn’t want to put forth the effort to try to solve one problem, go to the store, or just keep his mouth shut. He doesn’t like anything or anybody or where he is. I could go on and on but I’ll stop there.
Dr
5/21/08
Every time I see my dad he seems to be ready to jump on me about not just one thing but a whole list. He doesn’t want to put forth the effort to try to solve one problem, go to the store, or just keep his mouth shut. He doesn’t like anything or anybody or where he is. I could go on and on but I’ll stop there.
Dr
5/21/08
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Falling Contest
A “Falling” Contest
Right when you think you have things under control, everything goes out of control. On the fourth of July I decided to stay home, and get some rest. It’s a good thing I did because the next morning Summit View (assisted living where my mother and dad are) called and said they had found my dad laying in the floor. No one seemed to know if he had come down the previous day for any meals and of course my mother thought he did and that he was in a really good mood and was sitting at another table. They got my dad cleaned up, he was flat on his back and had had a bowel movement. It must have been pretty bad because they threw his clothes away. The cat, Hobo, appeared to be really hungry. I had a 10:30 a.m. appointment so my husband, Charles, went to check on my dad and when I left that appointment I went on over to Summit View to check on my dad.
He appeared weak and a little disoriented but very humble and nice. I had talked to his doctor the previous week about his violent anger problem. I just couldn’t handle it. But, on Saturday I just felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow for him.
Well, my 2 p.m. appointment cancelled so Charles and I went home. Charles to eat what he can only get down now, Vanilla Ensure and I don’t even remember what I had. We had been home a couple of hours when someone from Summit View called to tell me that my mother had fallen and they were afraid she had broken her arm. Charles and I went down there again and the paramedics came and checked her over and felt that she had a broken wrist. We spent the next 5 hours in the emergency room.
We got back to Summit View at 9:30 p.m. I went up and told my dad that my mother was okay for now.
The next morning, Sunday, Summit View called me to tell me they found my dad in the floor again but he appeared ok.
You know when you’re a little child you look to your parents as your protector. Suddenly I am now in my 60’s and my parents are like toddlers. My mother thinks nothing about telling people she has peed in her diaper.
Why doesn’t anyone prepare us for this? It is very nerve wracking and it’s very hard to see my parents this way. I’m sure it’s just as frustrating for them.
The only thing I can do is try to remember them the “way they were.” These two people are not the parents I remember.
God help me get through this.
Right when you think you have things under control, everything goes out of control. On the fourth of July I decided to stay home, and get some rest. It’s a good thing I did because the next morning Summit View (assisted living where my mother and dad are) called and said they had found my dad laying in the floor. No one seemed to know if he had come down the previous day for any meals and of course my mother thought he did and that he was in a really good mood and was sitting at another table. They got my dad cleaned up, he was flat on his back and had had a bowel movement. It must have been pretty bad because they threw his clothes away. The cat, Hobo, appeared to be really hungry. I had a 10:30 a.m. appointment so my husband, Charles, went to check on my dad and when I left that appointment I went on over to Summit View to check on my dad.
He appeared weak and a little disoriented but very humble and nice. I had talked to his doctor the previous week about his violent anger problem. I just couldn’t handle it. But, on Saturday I just felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow for him.
Well, my 2 p.m. appointment cancelled so Charles and I went home. Charles to eat what he can only get down now, Vanilla Ensure and I don’t even remember what I had. We had been home a couple of hours when someone from Summit View called to tell me that my mother had fallen and they were afraid she had broken her arm. Charles and I went down there again and the paramedics came and checked her over and felt that she had a broken wrist. We spent the next 5 hours in the emergency room.
We got back to Summit View at 9:30 p.m. I went up and told my dad that my mother was okay for now.
The next morning, Sunday, Summit View called me to tell me they found my dad in the floor again but he appeared ok.
You know when you’re a little child you look to your parents as your protector. Suddenly I am now in my 60’s and my parents are like toddlers. My mother thinks nothing about telling people she has peed in her diaper.
Why doesn’t anyone prepare us for this? It is very nerve wracking and it’s very hard to see my parents this way. I’m sure it’s just as frustrating for them.
The only thing I can do is try to remember them the “way they were.” These two people are not the parents I remember.
God help me get through this.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Communication
Today I visited my mother at the nursing home. The ladies were gathered around a large oak table in a beautiful room called “The Garden Room” because the walls are lined with live plants. The ladies all sit there staring and waiting for their food to arrive. One lady is only interested in trying to stand up and when she does her alarm goes off. It doesn’t seem to bother her at all. She just has a blank stare and never says a word to anyone. Another little lady at the end of the table keeps asking if anyone knows that lady’s background—what she was like when she was young. My mother keeps telling me that she’s not going to pay for the carpet going inside the bank. I told her that we don’t have to and she’s okay again. More food arrives and my mother is excited that tonight they brought her a corn muffin. She seems to be doing a lot better with her silverware and I’m paying more attention to the lady across from us who never speaks, eats very little, and is still trying to stand up. All of a sudden I see my mother put the butter container into her mouth and I tell her, “spit it out.” She does. Then my mother tries to pull her sweater off. I asked her why she was doing that and she replied that she didn’t know.
We talk so much about communication. How did we learn to communicate? What makes us lose it? It’s a terrible thing to watch these people who have lost their communication skills. They don’t know what to talk about so they just sit and stare.
My mother was never at a loss for words. She always had a lot to talk about and ask about. She was involved in many activities and loved to bake biscuits for the monthly senior breakfast. She’s still baking biscuits, but only in her mind. My mother would ask me so many questions, I felt I was being interrogated by the FBI. Now she’s eating empty butter containers.
I know that I was not prepared with this transition in my mother’s life. I’m the only one bothered about it, she seems totally happy and content with what she does and says. She’s not interested in television, reading the newspaper, or anything else anymore.
Communication—don’t lose it.
We talk so much about communication. How did we learn to communicate? What makes us lose it? It’s a terrible thing to watch these people who have lost their communication skills. They don’t know what to talk about so they just sit and stare.
My mother was never at a loss for words. She always had a lot to talk about and ask about. She was involved in many activities and loved to bake biscuits for the monthly senior breakfast. She’s still baking biscuits, but only in her mind. My mother would ask me so many questions, I felt I was being interrogated by the FBI. Now she’s eating empty butter containers.
I know that I was not prepared with this transition in my mother’s life. I’m the only one bothered about it, she seems totally happy and content with what she does and says. She’s not interested in television, reading the newspaper, or anything else anymore.
Communication—don’t lose it.
VA Benefits for Assisted Living
VA Benefits
I’ve been trying to get VA benefits for my parents for the past year. It has really been an experience. There is only one lady who knows what benefits you can get and how to go about to get them. The first problem I had was finding this lady. They have her stuck back in a corner at the VA clinic at Eastgate. You have to get there early because you’re going to be sitting there a long time.
I thought my parents had been approved and was waiting for the first check, but after I made a phone call I learned that my dad wasn’t receiving the mail from the VA. I don’t know the problem, but I have all of his letters and he didn’t receive 2 of them.
Well, here I go again over there to see Lisa again. I don’t know how the government expects these 80 year old people to know how to fill out these very complicated forms. My mother doesn’t even know how old she is, much less be able to understand these forms. What do people do when they don’t have someone looking out for them? How many people don’t get the benefits they deserve because they don’t know about them? Why aren’t people informed of these things?
I would really like to help other people out, but I’m having a hard time myself to find the correct answers to all of these problems. Nobody ever told me that getting old would be this difficult.
I have to say that sometimes I think it’s better to die young, or die unexpectantly, or stay healthy. Well, I don’t think in this day and time anyone is healthy anymore. So what is the alternative?
I guess, go see Lisa for now.
I’ve been trying to get VA benefits for my parents for the past year. It has really been an experience. There is only one lady who knows what benefits you can get and how to go about to get them. The first problem I had was finding this lady. They have her stuck back in a corner at the VA clinic at Eastgate. You have to get there early because you’re going to be sitting there a long time.
I thought my parents had been approved and was waiting for the first check, but after I made a phone call I learned that my dad wasn’t receiving the mail from the VA. I don’t know the problem, but I have all of his letters and he didn’t receive 2 of them.
Well, here I go again over there to see Lisa again. I don’t know how the government expects these 80 year old people to know how to fill out these very complicated forms. My mother doesn’t even know how old she is, much less be able to understand these forms. What do people do when they don’t have someone looking out for them? How many people don’t get the benefits they deserve because they don’t know about them? Why aren’t people informed of these things?
I would really like to help other people out, but I’m having a hard time myself to find the correct answers to all of these problems. Nobody ever told me that getting old would be this difficult.
I have to say that sometimes I think it’s better to die young, or die unexpectantly, or stay healthy. Well, I don’t think in this day and time anyone is healthy anymore. So what is the alternative?
I guess, go see Lisa for now.
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